We have partaken in this strained and arranged love-hate relationship for over 30+ years. Without an option, I was committed to you at birth. I had no say!
Four years ago, I stepped out on the relationship we had built. I desired something more than what you had offered me. I was tired of being treated less than who I was, which happened to only be appealing when beneficial to you. Our relationship was one-sided/lop-sided. I was over your lies and the undue financial stress this relationship was causing.
For years, on a biweekly basis you would financially abuse me by sliding your Uncle a part of my earnings. You introduced yourself as America the Great and seduced me on the premise of caring for me in sickness and in health. However, when I found myself ill I realized your support was severely limited. I had to pay you a hefty wage to take care of me for what I had already financially pre-sacrificed. Our relationship was suffocating me.
I recognized that I had fallen victim to your sweet talk.
America, you promised me that I MATTERED but failed to protect me. I eventually started to see differently so I built up enough courage, packed up the kids and I left you. Initially, our split over irreconcilable differences saddened the kids. As time passed, they stopped asking about you as much.
However, my new beau (United Arab Emirates) offered me more. He saw value in me. So much so that he was willing to house the kids and I, fully support me in sickness and in health, and vowed never to steal a penny of my earnings to pay his greedy uncle.
Yes, he was amazing to me. Granted, we had our ups and downs but he opened my eyes to the possibilities of what a healthy relationship could look like. The safety and protection it should offer. How our interactions should positively benefit both parties involved. He needed me to educate his people and I needed him to grow to become a better woman.
Let’s discuss the romance. Gosh, he wined and dined me in ways I didn’t know was possible. Yachts and exotic trips were the norm in our relationship. He loved on my children like his own. He didn’t pick on them because of their skin color. He embraced their blue passports.
Despite the complexity of our relationship, often times I would reminisce of the good times we shared during our time apart, America.
As I write this, I now realize how much I sincerely miss my ex.
America, this week we will celebrate the one year anniversary since we reconciled our differences and I decided to give our relationship another go. I try to embrace and acknowledge my purpose for reconciling with you.
Although I missed you dearly, I didn’t want to buy into your BS. However, I did it for the sake of the kids. This sole reason is why I stay in this sub par relationship to date. Merely for the kids!
Many tell me I should revisit going back to my ex or find a new friend who values me. They are unable to grasp why I chose to return to such a toxic relationship.
Others simply have a lack of understanding for my situation because they only see our interaction as healthy. They simply don’t know better exist.
While others acknowledge the abuse and disrespect and want to leave as well but just don’t know how.
Our relationship is complex on so many levels. Yes, I love you America, but I’m not in love with you anymore. It hurts me to say that. Since my return, our relationship has been extremely stressful on multiple levels.
Not only are you the same as when I left, but your anger has intensified, your apparent hate for who I am has become more apparent. So much so, that your rage scares my sons. They fear that any negative interaction with you could cause their mother sleepless nights paired with a RIP hashtag.
Ever since I’ve returned I feel like I don’t know you. Like we don’t belong together. You no longer make an honest effort to suppress how you feel about me or my people. I was introduced to better and that’s all I can think about now.
I was told that if I wanted to live a comfortable life, I should return to my ex. But, If I want to do something with purpose I should take my vow seriously and give you a honest try.
America, if things don’t improve please note that our arrangement is on a time limit. If things don’t improve, eventually the kids will see thru you the way I do. When this day comes, I am forever walking out on what we had.
I’m sure your biggest supporters will call me all types of hateful things, like unpatriotic and a trader of my country. But I’m so over it because of the mere fact that they never liked me anyway. They are the same ones that would instigate issues in our relationship by throwing rocks and hiding their hand.
You dear America have been warned. I’ve reentered into this relationship wiser, healed, whole and with a glimpse of what better looks like. Now that’s a dangerous combination.
Journey of Repatriation
To read more about the reason we returned to America check out, Journey of Single Parenthood: Why I Moved Back To America
Facebook: 4 Deep Around The World
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