#DatingTanai Ep.2: Real Black Love in the DM’s

 This past summer, I had determined that I was totally overtaking dating seriously. I had once again been hit with the “girlfriend” saga after dating someone who I thought was “perfect” for about six months. I walked away with my dignity intact but I was done. I didn’t feel defeated, but you best believe I recognized that I clearly needed to take two steps back and re-evaluate a few things.

Before we go on… Is it fair to assume that you read epi-read 1, #DatingTanai: Am I Worthy Enough? Oh, you did, ok carry on!

Summer 2017, I had planned a 2-week backpacking cross-country adventure through six U.S. cities via Amtrak. My introverted, yet over-zealous self-came up with what sounded like a brilliant idea at the time. How about I mix-n-mingle with some brethren in each city I visit? *nervous laugh* This would be a great way to brush up on my “dating” skills I figured. Of course, I took to Facebook to ask all to offer up their eligible cousins, uncles, and brothers for my social experiment. I mean, what harm could be in mixing and mingling while taking notes, right?

It wasn’t before long that a FB friend suggested that I join Real Black Love Singles (RBL Single), a Facebook group solely dedicated to other Black singles. GASP!

My first thought? Why not open up the playing field and live life boldly. In that brief moment, I must have forgotten how introverted I really was.

Not before long I found myself posting an “I’m looking for a date in six cities” ad. I could have cared less about how desperate it may have sounded. I typed that post feeling confident that my profile picture would bring the boys to the yard. Yet my line was drier than the Sahara desert. No one and I do mean no one amongst the thousands of men took the bait. How in the H-E-double hockey sticks does that happen? I mean, do they not see how awesome my life is portrayed on my transparent and very public Facebook page? HA! Straight DEAD AIR.

I did have one good friend and relationship expert Bashea Williams in D.C. who showed pity on me and escorted me on a double date with his good frien. I actually had a blast and appreciated the gentleman offering his time on a work night.

Although the initial reason for my joining Real Black Love was a bust, I low key remained in the single’s group. I was over finding love but what harm would a little social media interaction cause.

One day before the 2-week train excursion, I posted asking other singles their thoughts about dating single parents. I was curious to see how single men in my age range viewed dating those with children. That post changed the game for me.

Screen Shot 2018-01-10 at 10.18.51 PM

He, who we shall refer to as King Bae, responded. I had seen this brother before lurking in the comment section of others RBL posts. His responses and advice were always on point.

King Bae was also a single parent and responded to my post by sending positive vibes and encouragement my way. His response went something like this “yadda yadda yadda, BE PATIENT, yadda yadda, THE RIGHT ONE WILL COME”.

The brother was not only filled with wisdom but understood single parenthood. “Hey, Boo Hey”. I mean, I ain’t in these internet streets looking but let me double-click on this profile picture of his and stalk, I mean research, his social media life while making an effort to assume what he’s all about. From his five public profile pictures and two cover photos, I gathered that this brother was legit.

Moment of transparency? Facebook stalking, I mean research, is the reality of life in 2018. Ha! Judge thee not!

To be continued…..


Tanai Benard

Email: Tanai (AT) 4DeepAroundTheWorld.com

Facebook: 4 Deep Around The World



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