One of the most impactful decisions anyone can make is choosing a life partner and deciding to give love another shot post-divorce may make you question your sanity. It’s a major decision so you can afford to be a little choosy (I had a Dear Future Husband prayer and everything). What you can’t do is expect to gain without compromise.
I met my husband on Facebook and let me just say although I was actively praying for a very specific type of man, I was not looking to entertain anyone sliding into my DMs. (Check out how KingBae and I met: #DATINGTANAI EP.2: REAL BLACK LOVE IN THE DM’S)
Needless to say, KingBae is exactly the man I prayed to meet. But I didn’t just manifest him, I worked on healing myself from the inside out so I would be ready to give and receive love when it came. Our relationship has not been without its challenges (blending families is not for the faint of heart), but God knew what He was doing when He sent KingBae to me.
Everyone wants love, but fear of rejection and pain from past relationships keep people closed off. So how does someone who desires love release their inhibitions and pursue it wholeheartedly?
Make sure you are ready for the journey ahead
If you are not mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepared to give and receive love, your perfect match can walk into your life and the relationship won’t succeed. That SIMPLE! Dating with the intent to marry requires constant flexibility, communication, and compromise. Openness to uncomfortable discussions, trust, vulnerability, and maintaining respect despite your feelings are all aspects that make relationships thrive.
This is why unpacking the baggage from previous relationships before pursuing another one is so important. Be honest with yourself about past mistakes, refine your communication skills, and be willing to accept criticism without getting defensive.
Get out of your Comfort Zone
If you want results you’ve never had before, you have to willingly put yourself out there. That may be in the form of speed dating, using a matchmaker, or even messaging on social media (never say never!). There are plenty of successful couples who met on or reconnected through social media, including KingBae and I. It has absolutely changed the way people develop relationships. Using it to meet other singles does not make you thirsty (you gotta come correct tho’ ). Getting out of your comfort zone is as exciting as it is terrifying but going for it is half the battle.
Keep the Haters at Bay
Friends and family will have unsolicited opinions on your readiness to date, but the only one that matters is yours. Everyone is entitled to his or her own ideas, but don’t let those comments, good or bad, influence your decisions concerning your love life.
Love YOU More
Sometimes in relationships we get so consumed with our partner’s interests and needs, we neglect ourselves. This is neither healthy, nor is it sustainable. Loving someone shouldn’t take away from the love and attention you give yourself. When you feel good, you emit positive energy and confidence; so, get comfortable loving yourself as much as you want to give and receive love. It’s hard to show someone how to properly love you if you haven’t quite figured out how to love yourself. I can’t say that this will be easy. Learning to love yourself can take a lot of self reflections and even more grace.
Being open to love after unsuccessful relationships challenges you to be honest, fearless, and willing to change—all of which take tremendous effort. But the results are undeniably worth it. You will have your share of ups and downs but staying optimistic and hopeful will position you for long-term success. Love is out there. Your love is out there. Just make sure you are ready for the journey ahead because trust me, it’s coming.